Functioning

Even though there is more awareness about mental health in a general sense, I think there will always be invisible aspects for individuals. For the most part, I want my anxiety to be invisible. I don't want just anyone to see that I'm struggling. I don't want pity. But this invisibility causes problems, for me at least during what was probably the hardest part of my life mentally, I tried to hide my problems. I still attended all of my classes, aced my exams, kept my grades up. Thankfully, I wasn't suicidal, I never thought of hurting myself. However, I lost my appetite. I couldn't sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night for no clear reason. I couldn't fall back asleep easily because I just felt nervous. I was always internally freaking out. I had never been diagnosed with anxiety. Part of the reason why I didn't want to go to counseling was because I knew I didn't have it bad, I knew so many people had it worse. But I wanted to sleep again. I wanted to eat again. I wanted to help myself before it got worse. When I finally worked up the courage to go to counseling, I felt like it was useless for me. The initial appointment was just a screening in order to determine the best route to take. The man told me something equivalent to, "not to belittle your problems, but..." That was the biggest slap in the face. That's why I avoided counseling for so long to begin with. I knew I didn't have it bad. I knew I wasn't a danger to myself or others, I knew my grades weren't suffering, I knew I was still a functioning student. But I was afraid it would get worse. I couldn't sleep or eat, which are pretty important things for a human. Yet there I was, being told my problems weren't that bad by a "professional". To make matters worse, he suggested group therapy. After being told my problems weren't that bad, I definitely didn't want to be in a room of people who actually had bad anxiety and then whine about my little problems. I may have never needed to share my problems. It was more like a class to learn coping mechanisms, but I still didn't want to be there. Fortunately, the most stressful parts of my life calmed down and I could sleep and eat again, no thanks to that initial counselor at the screening. That was just my experience with one counselor. It feels like everyone closest to me has some form of anxiety, and seeing a therapist or psychiatrist has helped them much more. Their anxiety is still invisible in my opinion, or at least ignored. My father rarely tells anyone that he's anxious, he just avoids situations that make it worse. It wasn't until I was in college that I learned he needed anti-anxiety medication at some point in his life and he has gone to therapy. My mother has pretty obvious signs of anxiety, but most people outside of her therapist and family don't recognize it as anxiety. My sister pretty clearly had anxiety has a young child, but my parents didn't really do much to help her. My boyfriend has anxiety among other things and sees a psychiatrist, but his parents treat him like he's just lazy. So many of my friends have anxiety, but it's not a subject that comes up very often. People don't like to talk about anxiety. They don't want pity, they just want understanding. When people know that someone has anxiety, but still treat them like they're just lazy or a worrier, it makes people want to talk about anxiety even less. There is more awareness about mental health lately, but there still isn't a greater understanding about how to talk to friends and family members with anxiety in order to help them without pitying them.