Scared

I’m a social work major who has social anxiety. Sometimes I think whatever supreme being is

out there has a sick sense of humor. Sometimes I get too wigged out to even admit that to people. The last person you’d think would be scared of interacting with people, is the person who does it for a living. I think a lot of the code of ethics in social work. There’s an emphasis on the importance of human relationships. I see the webs people make through those relationships and how secure they feel. I get jealous of that a lot. How social work majors more often than not are so warm and easy to talk to. While I feel like that cold draft in the room that makes people twitch. It’s not that I don’t like people. I love people, I love being able to interact with them. But, it’s the fact that hard wired in my brain is the idea that people don’t like me. Or really, that instinctual distrust of everyone around me. That feeling that any time I breathe people judge how much air I take in. Its nonsensical and that’s the most frustrating part. Maybe really, it’s the fact that there’s some sense of lacking in competency on my part. How can I be a good social worker if my social skills are inept? How useful can I be if I have panic attacks anytime I’m uncomfortable interacting with people? Sometimes I wonder if clients will know that I’m just as scared as they are. Not because they’re scary, but because of the fact they hear me and the fact I exist to them.